Dan Brown, where are you?

With my B.A. in Religious Studies firmly nailed to my wall*, I recall the summer of 2001 being the first wave of Dan Brown awesomeness. The DaVinci Code sold so many copies, hot dog vendors traded in there "ass and lips" for copies of the highly talked about novel to sell from their push carts to the late-night drunks. Hold the mustard.

After reading the book and absolutely loving it, I decided on tackling its predecessor: Angels and Demons. Whatever seat I was sitting in during its page-by-page play of dramatic religious and symbolic infusions, I was on the edge. This guy writes like another favorite author of mine, Ken Wilbur. I think they're both too interesting to write a text book or some other form of non-fiction (likely because it will bore the hell out...zzzz). I think they chose the smarter route and placed their intelligence into the not-so subtle notes of fiction.

Until I met The Lost Symbol.

I wanted to love it, I really did. But everything seemed so anti-climactic. It had the occasional build up, and then followed by the inevitable let down. It gave new meaning to a few choice phrases that were popular in grade school. It was like watching Aaron Carter on Dancing with the Stars - I just couldn't force myself to like it. Books are like albums. They have to be treated delicately because it's most important for you to grow as a musician, grow as a writer. I struggled past book 4 of Harry Potter, and Dan Brown lost my on book 3. It's a record.

I finished the book this morning on my commute to work. Generally I sit and ferment in a job well done to even complete a book, but I skipped that and went right to popping in my ear phones and wishing like hell the train would plunge into the dark waters of the Chicago River.

Dan Brown, if ever become rich and famous off one of my awesome inventions, and this blog ends up at the top of your Google search, take heed: evolve. The intellectual Indiana Jones is cute as a button, but I need more. I wish for Robert Langdon nothing but success. Maybe he could achieve greater success through a carefully leaked sex tape, Jennifer Aniston's next dumper, or maybe a cameo on "What Not to Wear." I mean, it can't be that hard. Right now you could even place him anywhere with Carrie Prejean and he'll get attention.

Regardless, I know where my weaknesses lie and I am sure I will be purchasing whatever money maker you decide to put out next.

Until then....


*This statement is up for grabs in the Truth department. I'm not sure I ever received my actual diploma, from high school or college. I'm assuming there was some pending or unpaid balance from excessive parking tickets which led as a barrier to receipt. If so, I promise I'll pay those fees. Maybe.