Why I am destined to be alone in life

My all-knowing mother once told me that the secret to never getting sick is to just eat large quantities of garlic; no one will want to hang around you and therefore you will never catch their germs.

Mom, I agree.

Since I always do exactly as my mother has always told me to, I decided stand tall beside familial piety during my usual Subway lunch order. You might ask, what does a non-dairy vegetarian eat at Subway?

6" Veggie Pattie, with spinach, onions and jalapenos. Oh yeah.

Though the lack of garlic is beyond my lunchtime control (and yes, I have really thought about bringing my own), I submerge myself in the stench that has been sourly whipped together by my local Sandwich-Making Artist. The combination of onions and jalapenos has a "stay out of my office" success rate of 33%.

So how do I keep away an additional 18%? I do like some of the people here.